Void
by Elin-usamichan95
Summary: He was rescued by her, a girl that lives in misery because of his cruelty. Can he get her forgiveness? T for safety, contain of bullying, alcohol and foul language. On-demand fanfic. Review if want it to continue.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Drowning in Remorse.**

Her name is Rukia. She does not have what others have – a last name. She lived in an orphan house, an old, rundown orphan house that being run by a kind old lady, near the school. I always saw her, from inside of my car when I drove past that rundown place from the school on the way back home. The odd thing is, she always smiled, and that smile is so genuine, pure if you want to call it – a smile that she never displayed at school – at least not to me.

I would stopped occasionally a few meters away from the place, enough for me to watch her from afar, inside of my car, watching her smiling with little kids that also lived in that place. My empty shell of a heart will fill with warmth every time she displayed it, that joyous look on her face and that twinkles in her amethyst eyes. If I afford to be greedy, I want to own those qualities of her all to myself. I want her to smile at me with the same smile, same twinkle and same sincerity. But I can't afford that, not anymore.

~One month earlier~

My name is Kurosaki Ichigo, unlike her; I have a last name – the name that I misused for my own amusement. My father told me that my name means the one that protect; I guessed I don't live up that name after all. In our school popularity equals to power, the more popular you are, the more superiority you have against others. That's wicked system has turned her life into hell and me into an empty shell. I was at the top of the pyramid. Everyone wants to get into my good side and away from the bad. Bully and abuse is a daily basis in my life and of course the one at the bottom of the pyramid will be the victim.

Everyone has their own favorites – she is my favorite. She never retaliated, not even once. Not matter what we do to her, she never response but she always smiled. Not the smile that she always give to the kids that lived with her, but a cold and empty one. She always went home battered, me of course, never lays my hand on her but like people said 'words are sharper than a sword.' I taunted her, cursed her then watched her being beaten up by others and it always on my cue. Still despite of all that, she was still sending me that cold and empty smile of her. I despised her because of that. But then, little did I know that she will have me wrapped around her fingers.

Honestly, I hate alcohol; I hate to lose control on my own body. I wondered why does the teenagers are so obsessed with this drink, so obsessed of getting drunk and then have hang over when they wake up in the morning. But despite of my hatred with alcohol, I still consumed it. I winced when that sharp and hot sensation went down my throat; I hate the way it makes my slightly dizzy. I watched my surrounding time to time, observing how my friends get themselves wasted and lost inside of their own world. I don't want to be like them, I don't want to be control by this wrenched drink so I decided to go out before I had to force myself to drink more of that.

I don't remember what happened after I walked out from that building, the only thing I know that is I was drowning, I was surrounded by water. I struggled to get into the surface, but no matter what I do, I keep on going down, deeper and deeper – as if there was whirlpool sucking me in. But then, I was saved, there was a pair of pale hands reached out for me, pulling me up and then dragging me. "Kurosaki… hey, stay with me!" voice, I heard a voice, filled with anxiety, then our eyes met – I saw it, that pair of amethyst eyes before the darkness consumed me up.

I woke up, my whole body hurt, but its okay – at least I live. I'm on hospital bed, that was expected but what I don't expected to see was her, sitting next to my bed. Her head hung low and her eyes set on the magazine on her lap, flipping it page to page by her fingers. I stared at her, I wanted to say something to her but I can't open my mouth, so I continued to stare. She ignored it, ignored and continued to ignore till she could not stand it anymore.

"What?" her voice come out uncaring and icy cold.

I looked at her, I just could not mouth my words out so my stare continued. "Look, I will go as soon as your family arrived, till then just bear with my presence. It is not like I wanted to be in the same room with you." I want spat that words back to her but I could not. Her eyes, her voice were the same – she was the one who saved my life. It was almost simultaneously, I felt myself as if I was drowning, not in water this time but into my own remorse.

"Jeez, okay… I will leave now so stop staring at me." She barked at me make me realized that I was staring at her again. She then grabbed her coat and then stood up and ready to go but then she stopped, no, I stopped her. I grabbed her wrist, she turned to me, I expected her to be surprised or angry at least except she didn't. She smiled at me – sarcastically, almost amused with this whole situation. I heard her small chuckles "Ahh… so our all mighty Kurosaki is also not immune…" there was a pregnant pause between us "These white walls, these ticking sound of the machine… it's all are almost suffocating especially when we're all alone, I know."

I blinked at her, her smile has gone away, her eyes turned emptier than before "Why do you look at me like that? You should know that I know." Stab. Her words hurt so badly. Of course, she must know about these, she should know. She paid this hospital a few visits before, perhaps she has stayed in this very room herself and maybe, it's all because of me. I feel no longer drowning but suffocated; my fingers are trembling against her skin, so I let her go. I can hear her scoff before she turned her back and went for the door but before she could reach it, the door shot opened.

"Oh, who could you be… a friend of my son?" my father asked, he came into the room slowly as his eyes trailing her moving figure, soon after that we were joined by my sisters.

"Oh, could you be the one that saved my brother?" one of my sister cried out, making her to stop at her track. "I'm just merely a pedestrian that happened to be nearby when your brother fell into the river. I will take my leave now, have good night." She said in a calm but yet quick pace, leaving no chance for my family to stop her from leaving.

"Okay, that's weird." Said my other sister, while other complaining how hasty she is and how wonderful it would be if she can join us having dinner in our house as thanks for saving my life.

Thanks. Will she accept my thank you, perhaps I need to apologize first for making her life literally like hell in school? But her voice was so cold, her eyes were so empty, it sent shivers into my whole body, keeping my head replaying of what I have done to her all these years, drowning and suffocated in my own remorse and regret. It was heavy, so heavy till it made me stayed up through out the night. I don't know what to do, but what I know, these feeling, this drowning feeling won't go away. Unless, she says 'You are forgiven.'

There were few times she thought of ending her unwanted-by-others life; there are times where she feels that her own very existence is a sin – a big fat one. But no matter how determined she was she never can get herself to cut up her wrist or jump down from her school rooftop. She always going to out the knife down and then stared at her trembling hands. She was sick of this life to be frankly, sick of what she has to go through everyday. 'Rejected' or 'Unwanted' she always hears it coming out from his very mouth, she could not make a remark out of that. She is an unwanted child of whoever her parent is.

She was found by a kind old married couple, left wrapped in blanket in front of their doorstep. They took her in, raising her up like their own child but sadly five years after her existence in their lives, the husband died, causing another nickname into her record 'Death Child'. That nickname too, always being used by him to taunt her. That never failed to make her smiled, what could a five years old do to cause a kind old man a liver cancer? But that never crossed their mind – those who make her life hell in school.

"What are smiling at?" his voice echoed across the hallway, deserted hallway that only filled by her, him and his stupid friends. She looked down, not because of fear towards him or any of his lackeys, but simply to keep her composure cool. She then lifted her head up and stared at him straight in the eyes, he's wavered a bit, and she can see it. "Tsk… you're crazy." he then muttered under his breath before he retreated but never took his eyes of her as his lackeys closing in and then beat her all up. He for once, never lays his hand on her but still watching a harmless girl being beat up by his friends who are boy is not so gentleman at all – more to a wimp, coward, pathetic to her.

She loved it, the sight of his face when uttered those words "Why do you look at me like that? You should know that I know." It is not a lie; she knows that feeling very well, that suffocating feeling as if you are inside a room there is no exit. She has been to this hospital to get treatment for her bruises that she got after having some 'conversation' with him – it was not like she want to go here, but it was because she was being forced to by that kind old lady. She looked at his face, expression of guilt. His fingers were trembling against her skin before he let her wrist go. She was waiting for him to say something, to say that he was sorry for all the misery that he has caused her for all these years and to say that he was grateful for her to rescue him although he doesn't deserve it. But all she gets was silence, realizing that she was only wasting her time on him. A bastard always remain as a bastard, she scoffed at that.

But soon after that, she found out how lucky he really was – he had a family that worried about him. Finally, she met with his father, his two sisters. They seemed to be nice unlike him but sadly Rukia get nervous being surrounded by a family like this. Whenever she saw this kind of sight, she feels as if there is a hole opened up in her heart – a deep and dark hole. So she fled, ran from it – the feeling that submerged along with that hole.

Can somebody help her? She was afraid that she could not hold it in anymore. She was afraid that she going really take the knife and slit open her wrist, her throat or for real jump down from school rooftop.

**Previously, I was planning to make this as an omake for well one of my fanfics but then the idea suddenly develop and become a multi chapter fanfic. Well because of this being made from a whim of mine, I put this on-demand so review if you want to know more!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two: I'm no saint.**

He curled himself up on his bed; his hands were on his ears, covering it as if his surrounding was so noisy. The words 'stop it' kept on playing inside of his head. He has not been asleep for days now, ever since he gained his consciousness in the hospital room. The image of her kept on flashing every time he closed his eyes – along with that drowning sensation that he could not get rid off.

He clenched his hand on the comforter that covering his body right now, in his dark room, he cannot help but letting the feeling cumulated inside of him, dragging him into his remorse – reminding him about his sins towards the person that saved him. He wanted to blamed it on someone else – he wanted to blame his friends who brought him to that place where in his mind he needs to consume that wrenched drinks, he wanted to blame her – who can't just leave him to die that day.

His family did not make his situation any better, kept on reminding him to thanks her, reminding him that the fact of her has saved his empty and pathetic life. A mumble came out of his mouth as he curled himself more – the more he thinks about this the more churning his stomach would feel. Would her accept his thanks… his apology? Why would she save his life anyway?

Ignore, yes, ignoring maybe would solve his problems – it always does. He always ignores – never took a heed of pleads of his victims, asking for him to stop. He always walked away and never looked back because he knows that if he does, he will entangle– just like now. But she did not do that to him, she did not ignored him when he was drowning in the river, she did not walked away like he always walked away on her – he still remember her eyes that showed concern, her voice that sung a song called care.

Why did she cares about this good for nothing bastard – that has done nothing but misery for her, making her life in hell at school. Why did you show concern to me that don't deserve it? Why did you entangle me with this?

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Clang, clang, the sound of the dishes collided against each other as her hand placed them carelessly on the rack. Her mind went back to the time where she first saw his family, faces of his sisters shown to her, their look that expressed their utmost gratitude for saving their brother, the face of his father that smiled at her. She did not deserve their gratitude; she did not deserve their thank you. Frankly to be told, she was hesitated to save him – no, she did not want to save him. Instead, she wished that she has walked away from there, she wished that she could just watched him drown and do nothing about it – she want to see him die.

But if she do that, she will be at risk of becoming as empty as he is, she is pathetic, she admit it, but she does not want to be content with someone else's hurts or death – no matter how a jerk that someone is in this life. That was what drove her feet to run towards the river and dove in the icy cold water to save him – she did not want to be like any of her bullies, to be like Ichigo. In fact, she need to hold herself in to not to punch or kick at him once she dragged him to the river bank. So that is why she did not deserve any sign of gratitude of his family. She did it to save herself from emptiness.

"Rukia…" a tug at the hem of her shirt took her away from her thought; she looked down and instantly locked eyes with a small girl.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, the girl mouthed her problem and Rukia listened to her intently, she smiled at the little girl and gave the comfort that she needs as her ushered that little girl to go back to sleep. Just like right now, she did not treat the girl nicely without any intention. This house, the insides of this house is her sanctuary; the kids and the old lady are parts of her sanctuary. This sanctuary protected her from the monsters from outside; monsters called loneliness, hurts, and hatred. So she wants to protect her sanctuary, she did not want any of it crumbled or damaged. That is why she never wants to be thanking to – she never does anything that don't benefit her; that is why she was aware she not a saint.

She entered her little dark room, where she spent most of her time in. she then plunged herself on the bed. She felt extremely tired these days. After she met his family there was a dark deep pool created in her, swallowed her in and make her breathless. To make it worse, the pool submerged with the feeling that has deeply buried in her for a long time. She hated it – that feeling. It felt like a wound that did not bleed; a wound that nobody can see and a wound that will never heal. So she ran.

Run as fast and as far as she can from that dark deep pool and that feeling, run till her legs gave up on her, run till her lungs hurts every time she breathed in. She knows what is this feeling called; it's one of the monsters that lurk outside of this house, outside of her sanctuary – it called as loneliness. In this rundown place, she was protected from it – she was protected from those monsters.

As her eyes about to close, the door creaked as someone opening it. "Are you asleep, Rukia?" said the gentle old lady that has taken care of Rukia till now. "No… not yet. Is there anything matter, granny?" the gentle old lady shook her head, "I just wanted to see your face, you seemed busy these days, went to school before anyone was up and returned when everyone was asleep. I'm worried."

"I'm fine, granny… there's nothing to be worried about…" Rukia said without explaining anything, the old lady knew her way too much to ask her more than that. "How is your body? Has the ache all gone?"

"Yes… you monitor me too well till it make me scare to forget to take my medicine." That statement brought chuckles from their mouth. "You way too nice to us, Rukia… maybe you should think about yourself a bit. I'm lucky to have you." The old lady lastly said before she retreated from that little dark room leaving Rukia on her bed, looking at her back.

Once the door closed again, Rukia laughed, she was not nice, was not kind, and was not warm-hearted. She did this to protect her sanctuary. Ichigo is the proof of it – when she saw that guilty and speechless face, she was satisfied. That was why she uttered those words to him, to make him even guiltier and make him begging for her forgiveness. But it was fruitless, she ended up leaving the hospital with nothing was said to her and it has been days since she last saw him. He is running away from her, turning his back and never look back at her – like he always does.

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**Thank you for reviewing Void. Never thought an idea came out so suddenly would receive so much reader. So keep on reviewing. To inform you guys, how much as I want to make this chapter just like the previous chapter, I can't. If it continues like that it won't be call as story, it more like different essay being put into the same category. If this is a graphic novel maybe I can pull it off. **

**To be continued.**


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